Porcelain Sky

I realize I haven't updated any of my summer, and now, fall, reads.  And I've just discovered that the amazon search for books is gone nutty.  Anyone else notice this?  Did I miss the memo?

So instead of pictures, there's titles to be had!  In some cases, I have something to say.  In others, not so much.

• Practical Theology for Women: How Knowing God Makes a Difference in Our Daily Lives by Wendy Horder Alsup. 
  A quick and easy read.   In my opinion, she stuck to the 'majors' of theology and left, in my opinion, most of the grey areas alone, left to be each person's grey area.  The book was clear and basically laid out in this fashion: If you believe x about God, then your behaviour should reflect that, usually looking like y. 
  The thing is, this stuff isn't limited as being only 'for women.'  She explains in the prologue that she's encountered an attitude out there in Evangelical Christendom (at least the North American version) that theology, or the 'deep stuff,' is more for seminary scholars and the men and most women just prefer to find straightforward application through the Scriptures.  This book is to help women realize that theology can actually be very applicable to one's life.  Thus the subtitle.  However, I couldn't help but feel that by addressing this subject with her title, she was almost reinforcing the attitude that there are some books for men and some for women when it comes to theology.  If she were to change some of the pronouns and minor references, this book would be equally as applicable to men.  Would they not benefit from such a book?

•   The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain by Peter Sis

You'll find this book in the children's section.  It's an autobiographical tale of growing up as an artist in Checkslovakia during Communisim, done in sketches and photographs.  I never knew that the people of that country were very close to establishing freedom in the 1960s (I think it was '68), until the Russian army came in.  A quick and worthwhile read.

• The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd 

A quick read, dealing with a lot of heavy stuff, but not in a heavy way.  Does that make any sense?  As I was reading, I was thinking about how this could work really well in a classroom - say for Grade 10s.  I haven't seen the movie; would anyone recommend it?

• The Vertias Conflict - by Shaunti Feldham

A re-read for me about fictionalized spiritual warfare at Harvard.  Engaging.

• The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet  by Colleen McCullough

It's twenty years after the closing of Pride and Prejudice and Mary suddenly finds herself with freedom when her mother dies in the opening paragraphs of the novel.  She decides to research and write a novel about the poor of England.  Of course we learn what has become of the Darcys, Bingleys, Wichkhams and Kitty and their offspring and friends.  There is child slavery, mystery, murder, hidden identities, and intrigue to be had.  When it comes to fan lit, I liked it as much, if not more, than The Darcys and The Bingleys, though each takes the story at a different angle with one being more comic and the other more serious.

• One for the Money  by Janet Evanovich

Thought I'd see what the fuss was about;  after all, she's on to number 14, or is it 15 now?  It was darker than I had thought, and wondered why the reviews raved about the comic element to the tale; it was lost on me.  However, a friend has let me know that the others aren't quite as heavy as this one, so maybe one day I'll give number 2 a go.

• Love Over Scotland  by Alexander McCall Smith

Another installment of the serial McCall Smith writes and publishes regualrly in the Scotsman about a circle of individuals either living at, connected with the flats at number 44 Scotland Street.  MC-S is as witty as ever with plenty of insights into human nature and the world we live in.

Oh, and I got through the last couple of Harry Potters novels in thos 2 months, too.

August and Autumn to come.

This is a delayed post.  I wrote it a month ago into my day planner, just having to get it off my chest one day, but unable to get to computer.

Dear CBC,

Please do not prop-up the electorates poor understanding of the workings of parliamentary democracy by using the term "prop-up" to describe opposition parties support, or lack thereof, of the current minority government.  You know the power of words, sharing them over the air as you do every day, and know full well that my connotation (if not even denotation) you are lending an air of illegitimacy to the government it does not deserve.  The goal of the government is to gain the confidence of the House, and, if an opposition party opts to support it, fine.  That is good and proper.  By alluding to parties as simply unthinkingly holding up a government that can't hold its own, which is what you imply when using the misleading term, you do the public a disservice by spreading misinformation.  In my mind, it is as bad as those who wrongly called last fall's coalition of opposing parties "illegal."  That term did a great deal of harm to many of the public's already limited knowledge of parliamentary democracy.

If the government gains the support of the House - fine.  If they fail to do so - fine.  Either way, each party is legitimately pursuing the governance of this country, the task we have elected them to do.

Sincerely,

Tryphaena, a faithful CBC listener
except for the afternoons, because I don't like the new programming.  Oh, and I don't blame you; I know the Conservatives slashed you budget, so I can even understand why you'd want to have a go at them when you can, but still.  Take the high road.

Thumbs Down:

• When kids who need their beauty rest, don't sleep.
• Bill 13 passed second reading at the B.C. Leg. today.  It's Part 9 that I have bones about.  Sure, the municipalities have always had these powers to a degree, but the content that is being targeted (anti-Olympic material) sounds a lot like some civil rights are being squashed - even if it's only for  2 1/2 weeks.
• I'm really, really, tired.  All that family time meant little sleep.
• A messy house and an unmotivated cleaner.  (Blogging is great for procrastinating.)
  

But all that stuff really ain't so bad, now that it lines up with all my other "Things"...

Thumbs Up:

• Lots and lots and lots of great family time this last week: family from all over the province, Alberta, California and even Newfoundland!
• I have a new brother-in-law!
• I heard a heartbeat today.  Going about 156 beats/minute.  It came from inside of me, but wasn't mine.  :)
  

Hello!

Yes, I am still alive and ticking.  I knew it had been a bit, but was surprised to see almost 3 weeks have passed.  I can claim some excuse:  Gus came down with a fever, that backed right on to pink eye.  Halfway through the fever, I ended up with the flu and pink eye to boot.  Ick.  Throw in a short road trip and a visit from the in-laws and I've been a busy girl.

Some observations from the past weeks:

• I really do write a  lot of blog posts in my head and it makes me sad that I never put them to computer or paper.  I really, really need to start setting time up to journal.  But more on that later.
• The flu.  Oh - my - goodness.  I haven't had it before - or at least not in my adult memory - and I'm still kind of reeling by how much it sucks out of you.  Even a week after I fully recovered, I went for a run at the gym and barely made it through 30 mins.  Just before I got sick, I was knocking back 45 min and then some runs like nothing!
• I'm now seriously considering getting the H1N1 vaccine.  Again, more on that later.
• I'm very glad my husband has a job that allows him to take a day off of work when I'm sick.
• I'm glad my doctor humours me when we show up twice in a week, including without an appointment.
• When fall comes, I realize how much more I had invested in our garden.  We get a decent return, but still.
• I need to finish the knitting projects I started.
• Breastfeeding in public is kind of like a act of social justice; and it's encouraging to know, and actually see that there really are lots of other women out there who do it.  Even for their toddlers.  (Nope, still haven't weaned Peaches and so far, she's really not interested in being cut off yet!)

And just because it's Tuesday which is when I usually write about my 'things', I also include a picture of my cuties, so here it is!

Loathing:

• Fatigue.
• Runny noses, fever, teething.  It's been that kind of week.
  
• Making dinner.  (What's with me?  Usually I don't mind this task.)
• Finding food for a picky eater.
• Slow-ripening tomatoes.  
• Hearing the phrase, "But I don't want Peaches to get [toy du jour]!" shrilly and repeatedly, all day.  Day after day.
  

Loving:

• Getting to the gym.  Started incorporating more weights workouts!
  
• The 090909 postcard swap I participated in last week.  Already have 4 of my 9 cards.
• The cool folks in my bible study small group.  Missed 'em this summer.
• Re-reading my favourite bits in Lord of the Rings.
• Knitting, especially when I have the correct tension.
• Hot weather that really isn't that hot.
• When Chris comes home.
• And these kiddos:
  

  DSCF4621
   
  

  DSCF4610

Earlier this week I loaded up the kids in the chariot and we biked downtown to the Farmer's Market.  Scored a free cantaloupe* to make up for the one I bought last week with worms in it.  The farmer was stunned and even had me take a bigger one than the one I originally bought. (But is it really a score if it's a replacement?  You decide.)

But that's not the point.

I walked past a (probably the) mom with her daughter lounging in a stroller - she's probably 18 - 30 months I'd guess - and that girl was sucking back a bottle (not sippy cup) of coke (or pepsi)! I was stunned.  And yes, I'm sure because it was a clear bottle and I could see all those lovely carbonated bubbles bouncing around there. 

So I did it anyway as I passed her by, even though I didn't want to.

Why on earth is she giving her daughter that!!!!!
She's obese, and that little girl isn't really little... oh my - the health problems!
Why!?!

Yes that ugly judgement monster rolled right on through my brain.  Yes, I think there are times when parents can step in and maybe give a gentle suggestion or idea to another parent, but those instances are few and far between - or at least they'd better be.  We all have a tough enough go at parenting as it is and coming down on someone else for the places they're not perfect really doesn't help anyone. 

So I've tried to be kinder to her in my thoughts:

Maybe it was a treat.  It's not like I've never given Gus or Molly something that wasn't completely 100%organicwholegrainsugarmsgadditivefatfree.
Mom's carrying a lot of extra weight; it's got to be really hard to break patterns in the family.

We've all got our stuff we don't like to do, or things we think we ought to be doing, and even though the voice in my head that says, But it was pop!  So bad!  is louder right now, I pray this voice takes precedence:

But by the grace of God go I.

*If you ever get the chance to eat melons that have been picked that morning - take it!  I don't even like melons but I can tell just be smell and the bit I've tried that they're so superior to those in the store.

       

As I'm sure many of you have noticed, September has arrived. 

Oddly enough, I've been looking to this date for a little while now.  Sure, some of you will say, it's just because you're sick of the heat.  Too true, I'd have to reply. 

However, it also has a lot to do with the fact that for the first time since I was, say 4, that I'm entering this season without going back to class (either as a student or teacher) or dealing with an infant (as both my babes were arrived in August).

Instead, I feel like I'm just now beginning the life of a stay-at-home mom.  Suddenly, I can enter the season thinking about how I'll fill my time (instead of just trying to get enough sleep from day to day) and the time of my kids.  I entertain questions such as:

• Should I register Gus for some kind of music class? 
  
• Will I get out enough and see friends? 
  
• How long can the kids play on their own and quietly while I read?  Or knit? Or blog?
• Can I get out the gym regularly?
• Lunches.  What should I feed them for lunches?
• And the house.  How tidy does it really need to be?

Lunches?  Cleaning?  These are all things I'm already seeing to, yet suddenly this change in my status (from on maternity leave to stay-at-home-mom) makes me feel like I should somehow be stepping things up a bit.  I'm resisting this feeling that I should be doing things, like making fantastic meal plans or instituting a timely and perfect house cleaning schedule.  After all, I'm not working, so I should be filling me time with, well, work-like stuff.  Right?

Ha. 
I've decided I could do all these things.  Maybe I even will.  Oh, ok.  I'll be realistic - my house will never be dust free, no do I care so much about it.  But the difference between should and could is far.  No mom needs to find extra things to fill in a day when they've got offspring to rear.  I'll fill my days as I have so far: keeping the kids alive and happy and reducing the daily clutter to a dull roar so it doesn't stress out Chris too much.  (See, if he stayed at home, our house would be much cleaner.)  I'll keep reading and knitting and blogging and getting together with friends and going to the gym.  The kids will enjoy friends and outings and naptimes, too.  I'll bet they even turn out ok for it all. 

Autumn.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.      

Here's the third photo in the third folder in my photo album.  No cheats!  :)

Coincidentally, this photo was taken on our last trip to Alberta about 4 years ago.

When I was in grade 8, our entire class went on a week long science field trip, the highlight being the Royal Tyrrell Museum of Paleontology in Drumheller.  One of my strongest memory of the trip was when we spend about an hour at a rest stop, seemingly just to kill time.  I remembered the beauty of the place and optical illusion of it - things seeming much farther away than they really were - I knew my classmates who had ventured down couldn't have traveled so far in such a short time. 

When we went through the area on that trip 4 years ago, I was thrilled to recognize the same place on the side of the highway.  Fortunately, unlike some things you remember as being fantastic from your youth but really aren't upon re-visiting, the place was just as wonderful the second time around.     

Sunday night, after 11 hours on the road, we arrived home from a 10 day holiday. 

Seeing family and friends was great.  We spent our time in Calgary, Edmonton and one day on a farm near Markerville.  We went to Eau Claire Market during the Tastes of Calgary, spent a morning at the Calgary Zoo, and hit the farmer's market where we ate little savoury pies.

I had a lot of hamburgers ('tis the season for barbeques) but my favourite was the real sushi, rolls and pork dumplings - all homemade - followed closely by some vanilla ice cream, also homemade.

The visits were great; I am glad we made contact with people and gave Gus and Peaches the opportunity to visit family and friends and for the family and friends to get to know them.

But.

I'm freakin' exhausted.  We were usually sleeping in the same room, which wouldn't be a big deal except that Peaches began to have worse and worse nights.  It got to the point when she was waking up about every 2 hours, nursing like crazy, or just flopping about, crying and not sleeping.  If we were at home, we'd let her fuss for awhile to see if she'd fall asleep on her own.  As it was, I didn't want to keep our hosts up because of screaming baby.  We also had to stay at least moderately rested since Chris had to drive home at the end of the trip.

We ended up coming home a day or 2 earlier than planned.  And we've even turned down the opportunity to spend some time at one of the best campsites in the province on Hornby Island, so great do we feel the need to just stay put and let our kids, and ourselves, rest.

I don't like feeling ambivilent about things that ought to be good things.  I think the hardest part is not when we have to deal with the tough stuff that comes our way, but when we feel that we can't deal with it anymore.  For me, it's the times when I just wanted to stomp around and drop Peaches on the floor and let her fend for herself for the night.  I don't, of course.  But I don't like feeling that way either, like I'm losing control of my emotions and letting my anger get the better of me.

And that's when I pick her up and rock her again, or let her nurse, or do whatever it takes to keep her quite and calm and help her fall back asleep.  And, if you don't know it in those moments, you know the next day, that by grace you made it through, both of you.

And you take a nap.

 

About half an hour ago, Gus asked for his blanket shortly after we got home from running errands.

I was nursing Peaches on the couch.

"It's in the bag, right behind you," I said.  (Really, just an arm's length away - his arm.)

"I want you to get it."

"No Gus, you can get it yourself.  It's right there."

But he won't.
Instead he's spent the last half an hour whining and moaning.  I want you to get it.

I guess one of us is going to have to cave soon.  Anyone who has spent time with a toddler knows it's probably going to be me.