Porcelain Sky

Expectant Sisters

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:16:28 -0700

That's me on the right and my sister on the left. I was thrilled when I found out she was pregnant, due only about 7 weeks after me. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that Gus and Kid X wouldn't have any closely aged cousins, but God had other things in mind and here we go. My sister and her husband were not expecting it, but quite happy all the same. We were finally able to get together briefly last week and had this picture taken.

I think my friends and family are right: I am carrying this babe pretty high!

My doctor's appointment today went well. The regular physician is on holidays but his replacement was great. Even though I have fat sausage toes, I don't need to worry because my blood pressure is nice and low. I like how smoothly these appointments are running. Now if only I could count on smooth sailing for delivery, too... ;)

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Tuesday Things

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:35:48 -0700

Loathing:

An Employment Insurance process that is way too clunky and DOES NOT accommodate teachers' very well. (For example, I'm still employed by the school district, but not currently working for them 'cause, well, it's summer holidays! But the system really doesn't have a space for that. And they're really keen on you filing within 4 weeks of your last day of work, but for me that would mean losing out on top-up since my employer doesn't require me to file until the babe is born since, as mentioned, they know I'm still employed by them. I'm going to go downtown tomorrow and talk to a real person about it, though I'm not confident: last time they told me that that, as a teacher, I only work 5 1/2 hrs a day because that's what my classroom hours are, so that's what I record; this is important info because your EI amounts are based on previously worked hours and salary. Fortunately, I got better information from both my union and my employer: Service Canada recognizes full time teachers as working 9.1 hours a day. Thank goodness! Because those 3 hours a night spent marking don't count???)
Late-stage pregnancy sausage-toes.
Insomnia. (Yes, still.)
Inconsistent tension when knitting. (I think I'll need to re-start my project. Bummer.

Loving:

Living in a country where I get paid to stay home and look after my baby for 50 weeks after s/he is born.
Being a part of a union that will top up that aforementioned paycheque to a percentage of my regular salary for some of those weeks after s/he is born.
That I'm having a little baby next month (or so!) and the sausage-toes will go away and so will the
Insomnia - though I'll be awake more than ever, at least I know I'll start sleeping as soon as my head hits that pillow!
Making things with my hands again.
Friends and family who visit.

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On A Good Day

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 10:23:55 -0700

Last weekend C. and I "got away." It was lovely to be able to sleep in and make plans without reference to Gus for a couple days. He thoroughly enjoyed his time with Grandma and Grandpa and had plenty of attention and activities: helping Grandpa clean the deck, making muffins with Grandma, going for walks and to the beach. What more could a toddler want?

C. and I have had some stuff going on (yes, I know, it's a vague term, but I'm just leaving it at that for now) so we decided to take the weekend as a time of focused prayer and thought set aside to see what God might be teaching us, to help make clear the directions in which we should proceed since there seems to be no 'right' or 'wrong' in most situations in life. And we had a wonderful backdrop in which to do all this: sunny ferry rides, a quiet condo with a great view, rocky points watching the tide come in, a city harbour with kayaks, float planes and sailboats sharing the water and cruise ships in the background. There was lots of sun but the cool ocean breeze made it simply enjoyable and not exhausting for me.

We've been taking this week to think about, summarise, examine those things we'd noticed that weekend, things we felt God teaching us and I wanted to share a particular verse. It's from Peterson's The Message, which is the Bible in contemporary language: (While I wouldn't recommend one stake their spiritual sustenance solely on it, for someone like me who has read and studied the Bible for much of her life, the variation helps me hear it in a different way.)

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won't take anything for granted.
-Ecclesiastes 7:1

What I find this verse is not saying is that bad things happen because you're bad, but you should check your heart and life all the same. After all, we live in a world affected by sin; who is to say it's not one's own in particular instances? But still, no health, wealth and prosperity gospel here. But know that bad days can happen and we should know that God is in that, too. (The life of Job, anyone?) And the last tidbit I took away from this little gem - "On a good day, enjoy yourself." No Tryph, don't go looking for the negative when there is plenty to be glad of, to enjoy. Just praise God, thank him, and get on with living. After all, those 'other' days will come eventually, so just be present and enjoy it.

You too: on this good day, enjoy yourself.

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To Do, Or Not

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 14:50:33 -0700

I feel like my life has been a gigantic to-do list lately. Both my husband and I have long lists of stuff, and when he las lists, he feels the need to check everything off and won't rest until he does. I sometimes remember to look at my list; usually I don't. (This frustrates him to no end. When I forget something, he says "Just write it down." "I did... I just didn't remember to look at my list.")

But lately I feel like I need to get my list done, too. I totally blame the coming babe on this one. I really want to not have to worry about moving furniture post-partum. However, I can't do it all. I must, must, must remember that I can't do everything when I'm 34 weeks pregnant and it's stinking hot outside. My list should start to include things like "drink water," "find a mindless novel and read it," "nap," and "write posts where you don't complain about your life." These things are important to my well-being, too.

Now I just need to write it all down...

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Things on Tuesday [Late Edition]

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 16:48:14 -0700

Disliking:

The HEAT
Insomnia
Feeling like I'm still not prepared for this baby to come - everything from what to do with Gus when we head to the hospital, to labour, to how we'll deal afterwards.

Liking:

Our new van ('05 Toyota Sienna)
Shelving from our favourite Swedish box store
Which know means I can begin preparing the baby's room since we have storage for all my school and craft stuff and thus begin to feel like I'm at least working toward getting ready for this new kiddo.
Grace (getting what I don't deserve)
The time away with C.

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Things To Do Today

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 08:25:30 -0700

Tomorrow I'm heading out on a road trip. My in-laws made us an offer we couldn't refuse: Come down, drop off Gus with us and then hop on the ferry and stay at our (the in-law's) condo to get some time to yourselves before the new baby comes.

Uh, sure!

So I'm leaving ahead of C. tomorrow and Gus and I will visit my sister and compare bellies. (She's due in October.) Today isn't completely full, but full enough. Here's what needs to get done:

Make a phone call
Clear off my desk and take a picture of it; we were given a newer and smaller one and this one is going to try and fetch us a few bucks off of Craigslist.
Laundry - must start this early so that things can dry outside and I still have time to
Pack
Pick up a yogurt maker
Email a friend I may get to drop in on in Victoria
Record expenses for the last week (we try to keep track of everything we spend money on)
Nap - two terrible nights of sleep in a row demands it

C'est tout!

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QotD: Family History

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:07:47 -0700

What do you find interesting or unique about your family history?

1. On my paternal side, we can trace me back to William Booth, the guy who founded the Salvation Army. Did you know that as well as its significant social activities, it's also a church denomination?

2. On my maternal side, we can go back several 'greats' to an uncle who had the name of James Knox Polk; also known as the 11th President of the United States in the 1840s. Among other things, he was known for supporting and implementing (as best he could) Manifest Destiny . As a branch of our family now lives in Canada, I kinda get a kick out of this, though I'd say that this branch has produced some 'leaves' that are quite content that Great Uncle Jim didn't get North of the 49th.

3. On my other paternal side, we have Ukrainian landowners, (near Kiev) who had to flee because the Bolsheviks didn't like landowners.

4. Said landowners arrived in Saskatchewan, had trouble finding work, so my great-grandpa changed his name from the Russian sounding version to "Stephen" and borrowed his wife's German maiden name, Mueller, changed that to Miller, and found finding work much easier. When my grandpa couldn't get into the army during WWII under-age in Saskatchewan, he and his brother came to Vancouver and took a page out of their dad's book, changing their last name to Miller and managed to get into the army that way.

hmmm, these things really are just interesting for those to whom they belong, eh? :)

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The Keg That Will Change my Life

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:59:14 -0700

My "Keg"

Some people have cute baby bumps. I feel like I have one of those bumps for about one week and then it turns into what I affectionately call, 'my keg.' It just feels like a round barrel in there, especially because my 5' frame has a short torso and it doesn't take long before the baby is knocking on my rib cage. This shot was taken about 2 weeks ago. I'm now at 33 weeks.

I've been told I look like I'm carrying much higher than I did with Gus; my doctor has also told me that my measurements suggest I'm farther along than we think. However, he also said that I may just be carrying high and when the baby drops, everything will even out.

I'm pretty confident about my dates, but part of me thinks that this baby will be coming sooner than later. And no, it's not just wishful thinking. If anything, it's been a cause of anxiety for me. Simply put, I don't feel particularly ready for this baby.

It was like this a bit with Gus: I worked until the school year ended, which put me well into the last trimester. Gus was born halfway through August. This baby is due to come in the last week of August and, like Gus, there is much I've simply put off until work was over and now I have time to devote to things. Some of these 'things' are intangibles: mentally and emotionally preparing for the big changes coming, considering the effects on myself and my family and our lives generally. But then there is the actual 'to-do' list: dismantle my office/computer room and turn it into a baby room, organize my school things, go through the baby clothes, prepare bags, make a list of those generous friends and family I can call to take Gus when the time comes. Some things I've been able to do, but the big one - switching rooms around - can only happen when we've made a trip to our nearest big blue and yellow Swedish box store to get some serious shelving which is a 4 hour drive away. It's looking like that trip will come this weekend though, thankfully.

In the meantime, I'm trying to relax and let go of this low grade anxiety that's been kicking around. I need to know that God has me and this baby in his hands. He loves us and isn't going to leave us. That doesn't mean that difficult things won't happen, but things are not out of control. And after 'knowing' these things, I have to actually behave like it's true!

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Endings and Unexpecting Emotions

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:01:22 -0700

Last week the school year ended and with that comes a break from work for me. Since I'm due to have a baby in August, I won't be returning to work for the entire school year next year. (For those who don't know, in Canada we get 50 weeks of maternity/parental leave from work; partially paid if you've worked 600 hours before taking leave.)

This last semester of work was very tough on me. I do enjoy teaching, but life is hard to juggle with a family and friends to enjoy as well. And my job is not just 9-5. It is common to have to take home marking, or find I need to plan lesson x or prepare test y. And reading and assessing 30 student essays takes some degree of focus and lots of time. It all starts to wear on me after awhile. I'm not as happy; it's tougher around the house, on my husband and my kid. And then I find work not nearly as enjoyable either.

Don't get me wrong: I'm really glad I went back to work after Gus was born. I didn't know how I would feel after having a kid and working or not working. Returning to work showed me that, for now anyway, I don't feel like I need to be teaching. (We are fortunate - we are not dependent upon my wage so working is a choice for me.) I think that, had I not returned to work, I would have likely spent much time wondering, even yearning, to be back teaching. (I wonder how that research project would work? How could I re-vamp my novel unit? I really want to try that assessment technique, etc.) My hard heart would have needed much work; God mercifully spared me that by giving me the opportunity to find out for myself.

So, after a few months of enjoying fewer days of work than not, I was surprised to be in the last week of work wishing I was returning in September. I forgot about that feeling; I should have anticipated it having been there before. It was the desire to improve all those things where I felt I had failed my students in the semester previous - perfecting my craft for my students, and myself. (I also needed to remember that the year wasn't a washout - it's just easy to let thoughts of the weakness overwhelm the many successes and strengths to the year.) Essentially, I want another 'kick at the can.'

However, for this mama, that kick may not come for awhile. With 2 babies to send to daycare, the economics aren't worth it, especially when, as I mentioned above, the rewards of my job just aren't stacking up. I'm very, very glad I don't have to make that decision for awhile yet. But I'm thankful for the options all the same.

In the meantime, I'll open up a binder once in a while and jot down some more notes about how to tighten that unit on Macbeth, or try to develop a new thematic unit for my English 8s. I should read Hamlet, too, one of these days. I'll think about my mom, who started her teaching career at the same time I did (we graduated at the same time!), and know that there's still lots of time to head out into the classroom, be salt and light, and use the skills and giftings God gave me.

p.s. - Happy Fourth of July to all my American friends!

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It's that time of the year again...

nobody@vox.com(Tryphaena) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:43:12 -0700

When I start to complain about the weather. If you'd rather not hear it, stop reading now.

So, so, so very hot.

Too hot.

I really don't do well in the heat. And being 7 months pregnant with sausage-like toes and clothes that don't fit great doesn't help.

See, 39 degrees is just way too warm. And I know, I know, I live in a semi-arid desert; I shouldn't have moved here, or should just get used to it. Whatever.

I never thought I'd live in a place where I'd be so excited to see the forecast drop below 30.

We have A.C., but it's expensive and noisy for our neighbours, who don't have A.C. at all because their landlord is a cheapskate. I feel like I'm just rubbing it in.

I'm going to try to sleep now. Wish me luck.

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